it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
