you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
