He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
