yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
