Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
