This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
