I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
