"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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