when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
