he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
