I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
