I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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