Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
