She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
