It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
