Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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