But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
two words: eviction party
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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