a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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