a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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