Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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