You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
