Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I need to align my fucking chakras
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I forget how to act sober
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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