I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
