he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
