i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
