I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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