Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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