In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
