It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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