Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
