Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize