my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
