Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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