i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
