i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
