We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
