Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
