worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize