To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
