onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
