I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
