I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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