I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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