wanna go halves on a baby?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
