is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
