That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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