I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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