I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
