The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
