i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize