i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
