It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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