I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
