Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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