So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
