the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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