What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize