dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
