but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
