Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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