i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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