Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
