you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
