You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize