Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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