The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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